As Mother's Day Approaches: Women to Admire, Including Ourselves

NO LONGER 'MOTHER' EVERY MOMENT

I've found the last few years that I'm readjusting my life. I'm no longer serving as a mother each and every day. Although uncertain and sometimes depressed at first, I've learned that while my Mother role is now behind me (on a 24-7 basis), I have other roles to conquer. And, to be quite blunt, I do NOT want to "go gently into that dark night" to quote from the famous Dylan Thomas poem. And as the poem advises, I am stubbornly set to "rage, rage against the fading light."

In my brain, I just can't quite get it that I'm as old as I am. The struggle between my more-youthful brain and my conscious awareness of the passing years continues on, especially after I passed the 50 mark.

I want to look in my mirror and feel like I haven't given up, that I'm struggling on to be my best. I still "AM." I am NOT merely the leftovers of what I once was.

And one of the ways I portray my proud inner-self is through my appearance. I want to make the effort to look more like my youthful brain feels, than like the age that my birthday candles reveal. But this "appearance" issue seems to befuddle many of us. And while I don't begrudge any women their goal of comfort, or others their goal of perpetual youth, lots of us ladies seem to have misplaced our style barometers.

The Bible says to "love your neighbor as you love yourself" (Matthew 22:34-40), (indeed, the book of Matthew says this is the second most important element of Christianity.*) But I look around and see so many men and women who don't look like they love themselves AT ALL. Yes, yes, too much vanity is not a good thing, but how can these dumpy donut folks be respecting themselves?

Can you love God, your neighbor, your spouse, anyone or anything, if you do not embrace your heart, mind, spirit, body and your will with self-love?

In my little part of the USA, my only frame of reference, women over 50 seem to fall into two broad categories, with a tiny third group minority that seems, well, like me!

Ultra-Babes, Dumpy Donuts, And ...

First) The uniform of choice seems to be shapeless t-shirts, baggy capris (probably with elastic waist bands hiding under the t-shirt), "manly" hair cuts, horrid-ugly sensible shoes, and often slouchy posture. Next to their husbands, who look almost identical (swap capris with knee-lenghth baggy shorts), they hardly look like women at all! Such androgynous pairs!

Second) The Ultra-Babes. The women obviously aged over 50, but decked out like they are 23-year-old Paris Hilton wannabes. Too much leopard, too much gold metallic, hair that's so high-maintenance they must have live-in stylists, and flaunting droopy elbows along with impossibly plump lips!

Third) Women who look like they care about themselves in an age-appropriate, self-respecting way. It's obvious to anyone who sees them that these women are making an effort to look well-groomed! Why does this seem like the category with the fewest members?

It's not like they're dolled up like the characters from Sex in the City or anything, but they also don't go out their front doors looking like they are set to spend the day cleaning out the garage!

Whenever I see one of these third-category-women I always make it a point to pay them a compliment. In front of me at the ATM, passing each other in the grocery aisle, they're going to get a "cute shoes," "darling jacket," "great hair cut" comment from me. I know, I know, it's all "surface not substance" I'm addressing here. But the two do go together. My comments are just a bit of attention, a little reward if you will, from a stranger who is acknowledging their effort. In a culture that seems so youth-obsessed, I'm doing my small part to offer a little honor to women who have decided to consciously reflect pride and self-respect.

Both of my grandmothers, and my mother as well, had their fair share of "house dresses" that they wore, duh, around the house. But when these women walked out the door, whether as casually as to the grocery or as special as Sunday church, these women made an effort. My grandmothers passed on in 1969 and 1982, my mother passed -- very young, actually -- in 1996.

Memories of all three tug at my heart at least a little bit every day. BUT, as replacements, I've focused on other women that I look to with admiration.

Maybe a gentle reminder to all of us over-50s will reduce the number of t-shirts we don. And to the younger readers out there, knowing more about these women can only help on your own journey into mature womanhood.

First, but in no particular order of my preferences, Shirley MacLaine. I could ponder how to write about her all day, but a a customer review by "book lover" from Amazon.com mirrors my thoughts very well: "Shirley MacLaine is a formidable combination of bestselling author, award-winning actress, glamorous movie star, feminist role model, articulate political activist, force to be reckoned with, and a veritable 'Auntie Mame' to multiple generations of spiritual explorers."

Yes, this is getting terribly long! So, for now, I'll say "adieu."

Watch future hubs for more admirable women.

*If you noticed the asterik above re: Matthew 22:34-40, well, no preaching here, but for those interested in the FIRST most important thing, take a look at these verses!